Giving Yourself Permission

Giving Yourself Permission

Written by Brittany Male MSW, LCSW, CADC

I can’t count how many times I have said, “Give yourself permission…”, to a client during a session recently. 

Give yourself permission to be angry.

Give yourself permission to be sad.

Give yourself permission to be disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, fearful, resistant, confused, or even UNPRODUCTIVE.

I’m noticing that a lot of us are having difficulty making the adjustments necessary due to the changes in our world. A lot of us didn’t want to skip a beat when the stay-home-orders were initially put in place. 
Things are not as they were. At least not for now. 

We must adapt to this change instead of trying to force the previous routines, schedules, and expectations on ourselves and others. Follow the steps below to better identify what your needs are and give yourself permission to meet those needs. 

Be mindful of the emotions you're experiencing that are causing distress. 

Mindfulness is a buzzword right now - and rightfully so. That said, it is also not as complicated as it may seem so don’t be intimidated. Simply identify the emotion you’re experiencing and explore how it is influencing you in this moment. Could I be called a therapist if I didn’t include an emotions list for you to utilize? Next, think about where you are physically feeling this emotion, if anywhere. If you visually were to represent this emotion, what would it look like in color, size, texture. These are all questions that can help you more mindfully define your emotions. 

Explore what is contributing to that feeling. 

Ask yourself questions like: Have I felt this way in the past? Are there any other emotions that I’m experiencing underneath or alongside this emotion? Oftentimes we can experience multiple emotions at the same time and it can be helpful to figure out what we need when we identify them. Are other people’s  behaviors contributing to this feeling or is it self-imposed?

Explore your needs in the moment. 

If you don’t already have a list of coping or self-care techniques/activities/tools that you utilize, take time now to reflect on what those things could be. It is helpful to have this list already prepared ahead of time so that when you are feeling overwhelmed with a distressing emotion you do not have to think of what may help and can instead simply look at the list. For me, some examples of things on my list include lighting a candle, opening a window or curtain, putting on some music, and doing something that brings me joy. 

Another important thing is that what may have been on your list previously may not be on your list currently due to the restrictions or because your needs have changed along with the times. While previously I would have included “getting out of the house” and “spending time with friends or family” as on my list, currently there are limitations to that. Additionally, I have identified that I have adjusted the shows and movies that I am interested in watching. Instead of movies filled with deep meaning and drama, I prefer light hearted and feel good movies and shows. There is enough intensity in real life right now. 

Give yourself permission to make the adjustment and take care of your needs. 

Although it may seem strange, I encourage clients to actually say the words, “I give myself permission to...” as a means of accountability to follow through. 

After you’ve identified how you’re feeling and exploring what your needs are in the moment, it’s action time to give yourself the permission to give yourself what you need. Now more than ever, we need to continue to take care of ourselves, to say no when we need to, to adjust our expectations, to make changes in our routines and schedules, and to rest. 

If you find that you’re needing more help trying to navigate through the current changes in our world, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with a therapist. Our therapists are currently accepting intakes via Telehealth. You can find out more information by visiting our website www.OakHeartCenter.com or calling (630) 570-0500.