Self-Nurturing

Self-Nurturing

Written by ​Christina Bieche, MSEd, LCPC, NCC

If you find that you're often putting yourself last in order of priority, then some lessons in self-nurturing may be helpful. Since we often give every last bit of our energy and time to our families, jobs, and daily responsibilities…nurturing ourselves becomes even more of a priority. 

Why is self-nurturing important? That’s a great question! As popular as the term “self-care” has become, too many of us still tend to forget ourselves in favor of others. Yet, ironically, the more we neglect our own needs, the less able we are to care for our family, our friends, our volunteer causes, and other important areas in life. 

Let’s remember what the word “nurture” actually means. Originally, it meant “to feed or nourish,” and I believe that can be interpreted both literally and figuratively. 

You can self-nurture quite literally through the food you eat, but there are so many self-nurturing activities that go far beyond that physical meaning. You can feed your soul by doing the things you love, spending time with people you love, and getting the rest your body needs. 

If you’re still struggling with the concept of self nurture, think about this. If you’re constantly running on empty, you’re more likely to be impatient with your families or to miss an important deadline at work. 

Self-nurturing can take a lot or a little bit of time, but all of us need it! Why not think about some of the activities you find refreshing or encouraging, and try to incorporate them into your life today? Here are a few steps you can take to start practicing self-care today: 
​

1. Identify your feelings. If this is difficult, pay attention to your inner dialogue. Notice your thoughts. Do they express worry, judgment, despair, resentment, envy, hurt, or wishing? Notice your moods. Are you irritable, anxious, or blue? Try to name the specific feeling. (“Upset” isn’t a specific feeling.) Do this several times a day to increase your feeling recognition. You can find lists of hundreds of feelings online. 
2. Honor your feelings. When you have uncomfortable feelings, put your hand on your chest, and say aloud, “You’re (or I’m) ____.” (e.g., angry, sad, afraid, lonely). This signifies acceptance of your feelings.
3. Uncover the cause. Think and/or write about the cause or what triggered your feeling. 
4. Meet your needs. Once you discover the cause, think about what you need that will make you feel better. Meeting your needs is good self-parenting. 
5. Express your feelings. Journaling about your feelings has been shown to alleviate depression and increase your self-knowledge. If you’re anxious, practice yoga or martial arts, meditation, or simple breathing exercises. Slowing your breath slows your brain and calms your nervous system. Exhale 10 times making a hissing (“sss”) sound with your tongue behind your teeth. When you’re angry, do something active to release your emotions. 
6. Giving yourself comfort. Write a supportive letter to yourself, expressing what an ideal parent would say. Have a warm drink. Studies show this actually elevates your mood. Swaddle your body in a blanket or sheet like a baby. This is soothing and comforting to your body. 
7. Find pleasure. Read or watch comedy, look at beauty, walk in nature, sing or dance, create something, or stroke your skin. Pleasure releases chemicals in the brain that counterbalance pain, stress, and negative emotions. Discover what pleasures you.
8. Play. Adults also need to play. This means doing something purposeless that fully engages you and is enjoyable for its own sake. The more active the better, i.e., play with your dog vs. walking him, sing or collect seashells vs. watching television. Play brings you into the pleasure of the moment. Doing something creative is a great way to play, but be cautious not to judge yourself. Remember the goal is enjoyment–not the finished product. 
9. Coach yourself. Practice complimenting and encouraging yourself – especially when you don’t think you’re doing enough. Notice self-judgment for what it is, and be a positive coach. Remind yourself of what you have done and allow yourself time to rest and rejuvenate. 
10. Forgive yourself. Healthy parents don’t punish children for mistakes or constantly remind them of what they are doing wrong…and they definitely don’t punish willful wrongs repeatedly. Instead, learn from mistakes and make amends when necessary.
11. Keep commitments. Honor commitments to yourself as you would anyone else. When you don’t, you’re in effect abandoning yourself. Imagine how it feels to have someone repeatedly break promises to you. Love yourself by demonstrating that you’re important enough to keep commitments to yourself. 
12. Listen to a self-love guided meditation regularly. It will give you words of kindness and acceptance to say to yourself.

If you are interested in counseling, call OakHeart at 630-570-0050 or 779-201-6440 or email us at Contact.OH@OakHeartCenter.com. We have counselors, psychologists, and social workers available to help you at one of our locations in North Aurora, IL, Sycamore, IL, and/or via Telehealth Online Therapy Services serving Kane County, DeKalb County, Dupage County, and beyond.