 Less Listening, More TalkingWritten By Adam Ginsburg, MA, LPC Okay, shut it down! Show’s legitimately over before it even began, as we haven’t even started rolling the trailer footage on things and yet you read the topic of this blog post and we’ve already spiraled beyond our means. Extraverts everywhere are shouting from the top of their already warmed up vocal cords, “SEE!! I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!” Well...sorta.
It’s likely that at some point in our lives, the sage wisdom has been spoken over us, irony of all ironies I suppose, that if we really want to better understand something or someone, it would be of great assistance to us if we talked less and listened more. Yet, here we are with the suggestion of doing the opposite: listening less, talking more. All of this on a day that hasn’t been officially proclaimed as opposite day too? Well yeah, and there’s no such thing as opposite day to begin with, so sorry for super raining on this parade even further. Here’s what I’m getting at. A lot of the troubles we experience when it comes to our mental health and mental vitality emerge when we find ourselves in a place where we’re listening to ourselves rather than talking to ourselves. I get it, both sound increasingly weird in concept and perhaps even illuminate further the inescapable nature that as people, we’re awfully complicated individuals since we’re apparently both listening to and talking to ourselves with some semblance of frequency. There’s truth in this, however. According to a research study conducted in 2020 (blast you, 2020 and your COVID-19 ways!) by psychologists at Queens University, an average person experiences around 6,200 thoughts per day. Wait...whut? Yeppers. 6,200 thoughts each day. So there’s a lot of thinking going on, and for most of us, a good majority of these thoughts aren’t being actively expressed so they exist internally only, unless of course you’ve made a habit of narrating your daily activities as you do them, “So I’m going to take out the garbage and wait a minute...did Samantha just get a fresh cut and purchase a new Buick?” So with 6,200 thoughts a day, the bulk of which remain internal, that feels like an awful lot of listening to ourselves, perhaps to an exhausting degree, right? This is to say nothing of the nature of our thoughts as well. Catch me on a bad day and woof friends, it’s a miracle I have any social contacts based on the negativity and harshness some of my thoughts express. I feel like I’m not alone in this sentiment but you know what? Totally okay if I am as we as counselors anticipate vulnerability from clients, so the least I could do is go first with presenting my own. With such negativity often occurring, it’s commonplace to get in a pattern of listening to ourselves in a one-sided monologue that serves to increase distress rather than decrease it. The balancing mechanism to this is instead of listening to ourselves, there comes those necessary moments where we’d be wise to start talking to ourselves. Talking to ourselves as in, expressing to ourselves the expectations, hopes, ambitions and aspirations we have for the course and content of our lives. After all, worry emerges from listening to the restlessness of our thoughts whereas peace comes from speaking to our thoughts. Mind you, this isn’t interpreting peace as the absence of conflict as much as the ease of simply being. That’s really something to unfurl for another time and place. Simple question to ponder over: are you listening to yourself more than you’re talking to yourself? As Dr. Phil once shouted...okay, multiple times shouted repeatedly...“How’s that working for you?” Perhaps it’s overdue to lessen some of the volume and distress that occurs with listening to yourself and more actively engage in talking to yourself to profess more of what you’re actively seeking in your life.  Now What?: Tips to Support Making Positive Changes with Substance Use Written by Lee Ann Heathcoat, MSEd, LCPC Millions of individuals are affected yearly with a substance use disorder. Many individuals seeking help with substance use don't know where to start to make changes and think if they simply no longer use the substances, they'll be ok. Making healthy changes with substance use is a complex issue requiring individuals to explore many facets of their lives. Below are few suggestions to help support healthy changes for substance use.
1. Examining Triggers: In learning about triggers (people, places, things, emotions) individuals can gain greater insight as to how triggers can decrease falling back into unhealthy patterns. Being able to learn healthy coping skills (communication skills, managing life stressors, boundaries, etc.) and specific strategies related to individual triggers can increase the chances of successful long-term changes. 2. Social Supports: Making change is challenging and having individuals you can trust to help you while on your journey is important. A great place to meet new social supports is attending community support group meetings (AA, NA, HA, Smart Recovery, etc.). Community support meetings are ways to connect with other like-minded individuals working on making healthy changes. Becoming involved in community organizations (church, community services clubs, etc.) is another avenue to explore when building a new social support system. Seeking out a counselor or mentor is another way to build social supports while making healthy changes. Being able to lean on a strong social support network can assist in supporting ongoing changes for the long term. 3. Sober Leisure Activities: Having a way to manage leisure activities can be a new concept when sober; however, it's an important part of leading a balanced life. Being newly sober can be an opportunity to reengage in leisure activities that were once enjoyable. It's also a time to explore new undertakings that previously weren't options. Making change is a process and the suggestions above are just a few examples used to begin the journey of making healthy changes related to substance use. If you're interested in additional supports, please contact us at OakHeart Center to schedule an appointment; 630-570-0050  Tips on Being an LGBTQ+ Ally Through SpeechWritten by Megan Allegretti, MA, LPC Happy Pride Month Y’all!
Everyone needs supporters and promoters! I’m a white cisgender female in a heteronormative relationship, and I identify as an LGBTQ+ ally which meands I support and promote equality and rights for LGBTQ+ people along with actively challenging homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. In this article I’ll use the acronym LGBTQ+- Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning (or Queer), + for everyone else who does not fit into those specific boxes. It is a very diverse group of individuals, and every community under the LGBTQ+ umbrella has unique needs, challenges and goals that they face. This community is so genuinely accepting that it’s an honor to be an ally to them. Being an ally means having a strong concern for the well-being of the LGBTQ+ community. If you are like me, in the traditionally privileged group seen as the default by society, being an ally is using our power to help advocate for equal rights and fair treatment of those who do not have the same opportunities as we do, while standing up to people or movements that would marginalize or denigrate our allies. Here are some ways we can show our support through the way we use our words. Show or Ask Preferred Pronouns This one is super easy, and can be very effective. When meeting someone new, introduce yourself along with your pronouns. “Hello I am Megan, I prefer she/her.” This opens the door for others to follow, and requires minimal effort, less effort than telling someone you’re from Kansas City. Try not to assume you know what pronouns someone uses by how they look and start with gender neutral pronouns they/them . The best way to be an ally is to ask everyone you meet, “what pronouns do you prefer?” Then use the ones they identify with! Use More Gender Neutral Terms When addressing people, writing emails, or sending group texts, try using more gender neutral greetings. Instead of “Hello ladies and gentleman,” try something like “Hello folks” or “welcome everyone” because you want to be welcoming to everyone. When referring to a romantic partner try something like “my partner,” or “significant other.”, instead of introducing them as “my boyfriend/girlfriend” or “wife/husband,” Even making career professions gender neutral, like “fire fighter, mail carrier, actor, waiter, etc.…” can be an ally strategy. The different words accomplish the same goal, but can be much more inclusive to those that do not fit into traditional gender norms. Making this shift requires some effort on our part as the ally to challenge the societal norms we are used to, but this is a small adjustment to help someone feel more welcome and seen. If you Make a Mistake, Apologize, and Correct Yourself If you use the wrong pronouns, or a dead name, it happens. I have been there, and I feel awkward and guilty afterwards! This is a friendly reminder that it is not about you, as the ally. People make mistakes, so be conscious you’re not dragging out how bad you feel so that your LGBTQ+ friend has to be the one to apologize. When you notice you have made an error in labeling, simply apologize, use the correct label accordingly, and learn from your mistake. Speak Up There can be many reasons why people do not speak up when they hear something offensive related to the LGBTQ+ community. It can be awkward and we do not know what to say, or we do not want to make the situation worse. But as we have seen- words have power and can be hurtful. As an ally we can speak up and educate others to let them know that their words are not acceptable and actually detract from the user. Using it as an opportunity to educate others and bring awareness to how their words have meaning and promote self reflection to become more of an ally themselves. Continue to be an Ally all Year June is a colorful and joyous month celebrating the history and vibrancy of the LGBTQ+ community and individuals. Their needs do not disappear the other 11 months out of the year, nor do the reasons to celebrate and recognize them. We can use our words and actions to continue to support them in ways like coming out as an ally, continuing to advocate for equal rights and supporting inclusive policies at schools, work or other places to help protect LGBTQ+ folks from discrimination. Ask yourself questions, do research, and be honest about what you don't know, or are still working on. I hope the biggest takeaways from this blog is you can be an ally in many ways, to many people, and that our words make a difference. Let us use our words and actions to support the LGBTQ+ community this month, and every month!  Dynamic Duo: IBS and Anxiety Written by Megan Allegretti, MA, LPC I wanted to take the opportunity to discuss a relationship that impacts many; the duo of IBS and Anxiety. Let's first take a look at what each of these conditions are.
What is IBS? Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) is the most common functional gastrointestinal disorder found in humans. According to the International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders, IBS impacts 10-15% of the population worldwide. Fun Fact: IBS is the #2 reason people miss work, second to only the common cold. The symptoms of IBS do not have to be present all the time, they can come and go as they please. Symptoms typically include abdominal pain or cramping, bloating, constipation, diarrhea or a combination. IBS is unique in that it’s very common for people to experience gastrointestinal (GI) distress, but we actually know very little about what causes it. IBS is diagnosed not by its own test, but by ruling out other conditions in people experiencing symptoms, and lumping these under the “IBS” label. We often call IBS a brain-gut disorder; meaning it can be caused or exacerbated by both the digestive and nervous systems. There are currently no pharmacological treatments with consistent results for this diagnosis, only dietary recommendations and maintenance of symptoms. What is Anxiety? Here we’re looking at anxiety as an emotional reaction, and not necessarily the diagnosable anxiety disorder. We all have some level of anxiety, or fear as an emotional reaction that evolved as part of our survival. Anxiety is a fear response, but the stimuli might be unknown or an internal threat. What happens when our body experiences fear or anxiety? Our body is responding to perceived threats with an action urge to avoid the situation. This is how our ancestors survived dangerous situations, by avoiding them. However, our modern society has adapted a lot quicker than our bodies which still respond to perceived threats the same way as actual threats- with the urge to avoid. How Do the Two Tango? A high percentage of people with IBS also experience anxiety. When our body detects anxiety/fear/stress, the autonomic nervous system is activated to prepare us to fight for our lives or flee from the situation- Fight or Flight response. In this state, the amygdala (a part of our brain) sounds the alarm to our nervous system to dump a bunch of neurotransmitters (like serotonin and dopamine) into the digestive tract to quit worrying about digesting and prepare for the imminent threat. When fighting off a bear, we do not need to be digesting our breakfast. However, when our body is responding to perceived threats like stress or anxiety, things that we cannot avoid, this dump of neurotransmitters wreaks havoc on the digestive system. It is a Game of What Came First, the IBS symptoms or Anxiety Symptoms? Why is IBS called a brain-gut disorder? Because the autonomic nervous system (brain) and the digestive tract’s nervous system (gut) are in constant communication. FunFact: The gut is the only peripheral organ with its own nervous system. I learn best by examples, so let's look at some to highlight this bidirectional communication. Say you have stomach cramping due to IBS symptoms, and then you worry, “Will I make it to the bathroom in time?”. This increases anxiety which increases digestive distress, and the cycle continues. Or perhaps you have some anxiety with work, then you experience stomach tension, and now you are questioning if it is IBS symptoms; for example,did I eat something wrong?”, which increases anxiety. How can psychotherapy help? As the above examples show, IBS and anxiety have overlapping causes and symptoms and it is hard to tease apart which one came first. What we do have is supporting research showing psychotherapy can help reduce IBS symptoms. Current research supports several different evidence-based treatments with the starting points being education and management of anxiety symptoms. These techniques teach us how cognitions impact our bodies physiological reactions, and if we can manage our anxiety responses then we potentially lower IBS symptoms. The body and the mind are interconnected to the point where we cannot consider one without the other. If you are experiencing symptoms of IBS which may be linked to anxiety, and want to learn how to manage anxiety symptoms through evidence based treatments, give OakHeart a call at 630-570-0050 or email us at [email protected].and let us know how we can help! |
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